


I Won't Give Up

by supercali



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Aaron's abuse, Mentions of Gordon, Song fic, Talk of Prison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-02 23:25:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10230278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali/pseuds/supercali
Summary: Robert could never give up on Aaron.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this in my head since Robron Week but couldn't get it done in time, so I left it, but it had to come out.
> 
> I've tried to tag it properly but there's lots of mentions of what Aaron's going through in prison, mentions of Gordon and the abuse storyline as well. 
> 
> However, Aaron hasn't turned to drugs in this story. There's also no mention of Rebecca. 
> 
> The title comes from Jason Mraz's 'I Won't Give Up.'

_When I look into your eyes_  
_It's like watching the night sky_  
_Or a beautiful sunrise_  
_There's so much they hold_  
_And just like them old stars_  
_I see that you've come so far_  
_To be right where you are_  
_How old is your soul?_

Robert used to love watching Aaron sleep, would spend hours just watching. It started as a way of keeping the nightmares away, ready to wake him, but now he loved how relaxed he always looked in sleep, so young and untroubled. He’d start off on his side, usually with an arm or leg slung over Robert but in the middle of the night he’d end up sprawled on his front, arms hugging his pillow, one leg hanging outside the bedcovers whether it was the middle of winter or the heat of summer.

He’d give just about anything to see that now. Anything but the scared, shaken man lying next to him.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen it. Robert had known for weeks that something had happened but they could hardly talk about it across a table with God knows who listening. He'd thought once Aaron was home they'd be alright; they could talk and then start their married life properly. He'd known he was being naïve, really, but even he hadn't expected this.

Within a week of getting home, Aaron had upset pretty much everyone. The worst of all being Liv, telling her she would be better off with Sandra. He'd even gone so far as to book the flight before Robert could stop him, it had ended with him telling Aaron to leave, all the while holding a frightened and near hysterical Liv. After promising she wasn't going anywhere he'd despatched her to the pub for a few nights before he’d gone looking for Aaron.

 _Well I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough_  
_I'm giving you all my love, I'm still looking up_  
_And when you're needing your space, to do some navigating_  
_I'll be here patiently waiting, to see what you find_

“Just go, Robert.” Aaron’s voice is flat, emotionless and it hurts more than Robert wants to admit. He’d rather he was shouting, crying even, but this empty shell in front of him is making him the most scared he’s ever been.

“Aaron, come on, this isn’t the answer. I’m trying to help you!” He'd found him on the bridge that night, right where he expected. He'd said nothing just told Aaron to come home. They’d spent the night and the following day in silence before Robert cracked and tried to get him to open up about what was bothering him and now Aaron was insisting he leave.

“You can’t help me, nobody can! I’m broken Robert. Maybe that’s how it should be; maybe you were right that day in the scrapyard. I’m a failure. I ruin everything, but I’m not going to ruin you, so please, just go.” Robert doesn’t know what to say, what to do. He’s never regretted anything more than that day in the scrapyard and he hated that he had contributed in some way to how Aaron felt.

“You’re not going to ruin me, you couldn’t! I won’t let you throw everything we are away. After everything we’ve been through, I won’t let you do it.” Robert’s voice cracks, his hands are shaking. “You don’t mean any of this. I know you, remember? Let’s just talk, please!”

“I can’t. You want the Aaron who was here before, the Aaron you married.” He huffs a laugh, “We couldn’t even do that properly, could we? A few words in a garage don’t mean anything, Robert!” Robert feels those words like a knife to his heart. He tries to tell himself that Aaron doesn’t mean that, not really, he’s just trying to hurt him, to make him leave. It still hurts. “Whoever he was, whatever _we_ were, it’s gone.”

“So our vows meant nothing to you? I know you don’t mean that. This is what you do; you’ll push me away and keep pushing. I’m not going to stand by again and watch you do this. We’ll get help, we’ll talk, we’ll fight, whatever it takes but you’re not going to get me to give up, however hard you try.”

“Robert...please, go.” With that Aaron turns and walks away, into the kitchen that Robert picked for them, one without stark white cabinets, one where the doors had handles. He knows Aaron well enough that he won’t get anywhere tonight, so he’ll go, but he’s not leaving Aaron alone.

 _'Cause even the stars they burn_  
_Some even fall to the earth_  
_We've got a lot to learn_  
_God knows we're worth it_  
_No, I won't give up_

“Adam’s with him.” Vic tells him as she hands him a mug of tea. She hadn’t even looked surprised to find him on her doorstep. Adam, as Robert knew he would when he asked, had gone to be with Aaron.

“What do I do, Vic? He won’t talk to me. How can I help him if he won’t even tell me what he needs?” Robert doesn’t like not knowing things. He knows something happened to Aaron in prison and his mind has conjured up all sorts, things he doesn’t want to think about, things that he hoped he wouldn’t have to hear ever again. All he really knows is, not knowing is worse than actually hearing what’s wrong.

“It’s only been a week, Robert; you’ve got to give him time.”

“How long do I wait? Until he cuts himself again, or do I wait until he’s dying, like last time? I can’t go through that again, Vic.” He lets her put her arms around him, knows it helps her to feel she’s comforting him. “I tried...the wedding and everything, I tried so hard.” He fights the tears; he doesn’t want to cry on his little sister’s shoulder. “He just...threw it back in my face. I thought it meant something!”

“It does! I’ve not seen Aaron as happy as he was that day. Come on, Rob, he knows how to get to you, just like you do him. Just stay here tonight, try again tomorrow. Adam won’t let him do anything stupid.”

She makes up the spare bed for him, but he ends up on the sofa, wide awake just like most nights.

 _I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily_  
_I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make_  
_Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use_  
_The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake_

It’s barely eight in the morning when Robert knocks on the door. He could use his key but he wants all of this to be Aaron’s choice. Adam opens the door and it’s obvious he didn’t get any more sleep than Robert did.

“How is he?”

“Tired, angry but he won’t talk to me, just wandered around all night.” Robert wants to ask but can’t get his voice to form the words. Luckily Adam knows him well enough by now. “He hasn’t done anything, that much he did tell me.”

Robert nods, steeling himself to go inside. He watches as Adam goes home to his wife, to his pretty perfect marriage and Robert hates that for a moment he’s consumed by jealousy. He loves Aaron, more than he can put into words, but sometimes he’s so tired of struggling, of having to fight for every single moment of happiness.

“You coming in then, or what?”

“Am I allowed?” He hears Aaron sigh but he doesn’t say anything more so Robert heads inside and closes the door. Aaron’s sat on the stairs and it makes him smile, despite everything.

“So...”

“I want to help you or I at least want to try, but you have got to let me in Aaron. I have no idea what it’s like in prison, no idea what it was like for you but I can tell you what I’m imagining and it’s killing me.” He perches on the step below Aaron, folding his long legs underneath him. “I’m not walking away, no matter how hard you push, no matter what you tell me. Please Aaron.”

“They didn’t...it wasn’t,” Robert feels like he can breathe again and he nods, so Aaron doesn’t have to say it.

“But something happened. Was it...was it what I did?”

“He would have found out anyway. I stopped him winding up another bloke before you even visited; think he had his suspicions then. Don’t ever feel guilty about wanting to touch me, please.”

“Will you tell me, what happened? I know it won’t fix it, won’t make it go away but it might help, a bit at least.” He reaches for Aaron’s hand, relieved when he doesn’t pull away. “I’m your husband, Aaron, legal or not, I’m supposed to share your burdens.”

“I didn’t mean that. What I said last night. That was the best day of my life and it was perfect.” Robert looks down at the ground. He’d known Aaron was just lashing out but it had hurt. “See this is what I mean, I’m hurting you. Feels like that’s all I do, just ruin everything, your proposal, I nearly ruined the house, my birthday and then I get sent to prison. You’d be better off without me. Maybe we should both just admit it.”

“No we’re not doing this again. You think I’m better off without you? Really? If I am, why did I spend every night while you were away on the sofa at the pub or here? I can’t function without you. I shouted at Vic, Adam, and Liv a couple of times. I _need_ you! And you didn’t ruin anything. We got engaged, we got the house and I definitely recall enjoying your birthday quite a lot. We’re never going to be perfect, Aaron, but who is?”

“And prison?”

Robert swallowed, “Plenty of people round here have done worse, me included. I have to take some of the blame for that...you might have hit Kasim but I wound you up enough that you were in a state. It’s done now, ok? I told you, you’d come home to me and we’ll never look back.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It can be. We just need to make a start.”

_And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend_  
_For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn_  
_We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in_  
_I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not and who I am_

They’ve moved into the sitting room, sat at either end of their new sofa, both clutching mugs of tea. Robert kind of wishes he had something stronger, thinks he might need it to get through what Aaron tells him but tea would do for now.

“Might have been alright in there you know. I could have handled the homophobic idiots, got a few bruises. Wouldn’t have been the first time I was beaten up.” Robert opens his mouth but Aaron stops him. “It’s not your fault, Robert, I told you.”

“So what changed?”

“They found out who I am.” Robert frowns, doesn’t understand. “They found out I’m a Livesy.”

Robert feels sick, just the name enough to turn his stomach. Then he realises what Aaron actually said.

“You’re a Dingle now, or even a Sugden.” It’s probably not the best time for levity but it raises a small smile from Aaron so that’s something. “You’re not a Livesy anymore.”

“Aren’t I?”                                                                                                   

“No!” That sick feeling isn’t going anywhere and he sets his mug down on the coffee table, turns to face Aaron, gives him his full attention. “How did they find out?”

“Someone remembered me from when I was on remand for...” he gestures towards Robert’s chest. “Told them I’m a Livesy.”

“ _Was_ , Aaron.” Robert had been happy that Aaron was in a place that was so close, that he and Liv could see him. It hadn’t even occurred to him that it was the same place that _he_ had been in, that someone might make the connection. Now he wants to hit something. “Not anymore. You’re a Dingle. I will say it every day if I have to.”

“Doesn't change the fact that he's part of me. He's always gonna be there.”

Robert doesn't know what to say because of course he's always going to be there, it's not like Aaron can forget what he did, however much they both wish he could. This is something different though.

“Will you tell me what happened?” He watches as Aaron shrinks back into the sofa, clutches his knees, hands covered by his sweater. Robert wants to hold him and never let go but he knows Aaron won't want that now so he just waits.

 _I won't give up on us,_  
_even if the skies get rough_  
_I'm giving you all my love_  
_I'm still looking up, still looking up._

Robert leans on the kitchen counter, trying to push back the bile from his throat. He'd listened silently as Aaron told him everything. All they'd done, all they'd said, every sickening, disgusting moment in that cell. Robert didn't use his fists to get back at people, words were much more effective, but right now he wanted to hit someone or something and never stop.

“Rob?” Aaron's voice is hoarse, small and when Robert turns he's standing in the doorway, cheeks and eyes red from crying, sleeves pulled even tighter if that's possible, over his hands.

“Hey. Tea won't be a minute.” He looks at the kettle realises he hasn't even switched it on. He does it now, busies himself finding tea bags, anything to distract his mind for a second.

“I’m sorry.”

“Come here,” Without hesitating Aaron comes over and Robert pulls him into a hug, feels Aaron’s hands clutching at his shoulders. “I know why you didn’t but I wish you’d told me before.”

“What could you have done?” Aaron’s voice is muffled against Robert’s shoulder but he’s not letting him go, not for a second.

“I...” He can’t answer and isn’t that the worst thing, to know just how helpless he would have been, powerless to help, that Aaron would have been just as alone even if he had told Robert everything. “I don’t know, but at least I’d have known.”

“I thought I'd…not got rid of him, he's always going to be there…but I'd dealt with it enough and now he's back, he's in my head.”

“Listen to me, we got through it before, we can do it again. It's not going to be easy but you’re home now, you’re safe.” It’s not that simple he knows that but Aaron’s still shaking so he’ll say anything to get him to calm down.

“I didn’t mean any of that...last night. You know that, right?”

“Course I do. I’m not going to say it didn’t hurt to hear it but I’ve told you, I know you. I won’t let you push me away. Messed up forever, remember?” He feels Aaron nod against him. “Maybe you should talk to someone. I’ll listen, I’ll always listen but I’m way out of my depth and I’m terrified I’ll come home one day to find you like I did last year.” Aaron shrugs and Robert considers it better than an outright refusal. “Just think about it.”

“Maybe. I’m not promising anything.” Robert just rubs his hand over Aaron’s back, the shaking slowly easing.

 _I won't give up on us_  
_God knows I'm tough enough_  
_We've got a lot to learn_  
_God knows we're worth it_

Reluctantly, Robert follows him into the pub later that evening. By the time they’d finished talking it was getting dark but Aaron insisted on seeing Liv to apologise. Robert had offered to fetch her, but Aaron had said no. Who knows maybe being among other people might help. He didn’t think Aaron had left the house in the week he’d been home, so it couldn’t hurt.

Thankfully the pub is pretty empty and he smiles at Vic behind the bar. Adam is already next to Aaron, the pair of them never stay apart for long. Aaron’s smiling which is a good thing. It isn’t quite reaching his eyes yet but it’s something. He watches as they hug and then Aaron signals that he’s going into the back room to talk to his sister. He’d already asked Robert to let them talk alone for a bit.

“Here you go.” His sister puts a glass of whisky in front of him.

“Do I look that bad?” He catches her hand as she turns away. “Thanks Vic.”

“Is he alright?”

“Not really.” She knows him well enough, leaves him alone, goes to talk to Adam. He wonders how long to give it before he seeks out Aaron and Liv. He feels wrung out, wants to sink into a chair or a bed and never get up but he knows he can’t, has to stay strong for all of them.

He sits there for a good twenty minutes, no one coming close to talking to him such is the vibe he’s giving off, before he sees Aaron and Liv coming towards him. Aaron looks better, less tense. He’s still not his usual Aaron, maybe he won’t be again, because honestly how much can one man take, but it’s a start.

“So...” he asks Liv.

“I’m going to go and stay with Mum,” At his horrified look she continues, “Just for a couple of weeks over the holidays. Aaron said he needed to sort some stuff.”

“Are you sure? I know it wasn’t easy last time. We can figure something out.” He looks at Aaron, he’s his main priority but he hasn’t forgotten what Liv said about her last visit to Sandra’s.

“No it’s fine.” She moves closer to him and leans down, sensing she doesn’t want Aaron to hear. “You’ll look after him, won’t you?” He nods, that lump in his throat is back. “Right, are you two taking me home then, or what?”

She wanders on ahead of them as they walk home. He feels lighter than he did an hour ago and even more so when Aaron reaches out and takes his hand. He stops, checks Liv’s not watching and dips his head to place a kiss on Aaron’s lips.

“Don’t give up on me.” He hears as he pulls away.

“Never.”

 _I won't give up on us,_  
_even if the skies get rough_  
_I'm giving you all my love,_  
_I'm still looking up_

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr  @nooneelsecomesclose17


End file.
